Ahhhh...yeah, I'd take the power of the world...right here at my fingertips on the Internet and start searching out information on adoption, birth parents, adoptees....
Be so easy...can find out ANYTHING on the Internet, eh?
ha
You think other people can find out anything about you on the Internet... I hear it all the time on the news. Identity theft, credit card fraud, stalkers... and so on.
People can use the Internet to find out everything...
Well, not everything.
Seems that searching information about your own self and YOUR OWN identity is not an easy task.
I can go to my library and track births and deaths of my neighbors back to the 1800s via census information, newspapers, funeral records...all that jazz.
Right there at my fingertips. On the Internet, I can find their grandfathers social security number, birth information...whatever.
But me...
not so much.
Apparently I need to be safeguarded...from me.
So I can write in and ask some random person...in some random office...if they would deign to discuss me...with me.
Even then I don't get a 'discussion'.
My identity has been stolen by the state of California it seems.
...for my own protection.
bah.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Friday, September 7, 2007
What are You Looking for in an Adoption Search?
thinking out loud again...
what are most folks looking forward when they decide to do an adoption search? Medical information? Birthparents? Siblings? Half-siblings? Other relatives? Winnie the Pooh?
ha
Okay, maybe not so much Winnie...but I wonder what most are looking for when they set out to search for information on their adoption.
....perhaps it is just the quest for the unknown?
what are most folks looking forward when they decide to do an adoption search? Medical information? Birthparents? Siblings? Half-siblings? Other relatives? Winnie the Pooh?
ha
Okay, maybe not so much Winnie...but I wonder what most are looking for when they set out to search for information on their adoption.
....perhaps it is just the quest for the unknown?
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Another question on California adoptions....
thought of another question about California adoptions back in the late 60s?
if the plan was to give the baby for adoption going into the birth....did the mother get to find out the sex of the baby?
....not that anyone is looking for me...but I wonder if they even know if I am a boy or a girl.
ha
dumb question... i know. :)
if the plan was to give the baby for adoption going into the birth....did the mother get to find out the sex of the baby?
....not that anyone is looking for me...but I wonder if they even know if I am a boy or a girl.
ha
dumb question... i know. :)
Adoption Reunions...or adoption introductions?
re·un·ion (r-ynyn)
n.
1.
a. The act of reuniting.
b. The state of being reunited.
2. A gathering of the members of a group who have been separated: a high school reunion.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2003. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.
Wondering out loud this morning about adoption reunions...I've looked around at different adoption registry sites and they say things like "adoption reunion registry", "adoption reunion resources", "adoption reunion links", and "adoption reunion database." There's even an entry in Wikipedia.
Is it really a reunion? I wonder...
What was the routine in the late 60s in California for women giving up a child for adoption at birth? Did they see them? Did they stay for a day or two with the newborn or immediately separated? Or are we talking 'reunion' from the basest sense as in separation with the womb?
I don't know "when" I was given up for adoption...probably right away I'd guess, but don't know. I wasn't adopted until after my first birthday and by then I suppose my 'parent' was the state of California.
I wonder what they put on your birth certificate for that period between being given up for adoption and being adopted. I mean...you still exist...so you have a birth certificate right? Or are you just a little undocumented alien?
getting sidetracked....
back to wondering about the SOP in California in the late 60s... guess I'll bop around on the internet and see if I see any other adoption stories that mention how adoptions were handled...
......just curious. :)
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Success in my adoption quest...sorta....
Ahhhh... okay, with as many emails as I send, you'd think I could successfully reply and hit send.
Three failure notices later.....
I finally acheived success!!!!!!! yeah!
Well, I kinda sorta maybe acheived success, in that my adoption questionnaire was actually received by the group. :)
I still need to get my birth certificate. You know...I hadn't even thought about needing a copy of it. duh.
I've just always used my passport since we had to get that just after we got married....so I've had no need for it for the last twenty years.... silly me.
The contact was really nice and helpful though...so I'd certainly second the recommendation for California adoptees to check it out.
Some adoption sites seem a little shady...like they're just looking to separate a fool from his pennies...but this one seems legit and didn't ask for money. :)
color me impressed :)
Three failure notices later.....
I finally acheived success!!!!!!! yeah!
Well, I kinda sorta maybe acheived success, in that my adoption questionnaire was actually received by the group. :)
I still need to get my birth certificate. You know...I hadn't even thought about needing a copy of it. duh.
I've just always used my passport since we had to get that just after we got married....so I've had no need for it for the last twenty years.... silly me.
The contact was really nice and helpful though...so I'd certainly second the recommendation for California adoptees to check it out.
Some adoption sites seem a little shady...like they're just looking to separate a fool from his pennies...but this one seems legit and didn't ask for money. :)
color me impressed :)
Failure Notice
Oh sheesh...
I refresh my mail and what does it say...... MAILER-DAEMON@ n2.bullet.mud.yahoo.com failure notice
All I did was hit reply.....answer the questions....press send........
Failing so soon...bah.
hmmmmm...I'm resending it just to the address as a forward.
break's over...must get back to class now...
I refresh my mail and what does it say...... MAILER-DAEMON@ n2.bullet.mud.yahoo.com failure notice
All I did was hit reply.....answer the questions....press send........
Failing so soon...bah.
hmmmmm...I'm resending it just to the address as a forward.
break's over...must get back to class now...
Ahhhh...adoption questionnaire received...
Oh...oh... I dutifully continued to refresh my mail...even though I said I was going to quit. ha But...paydirt. I received a questionnaire that apparently precedes acceptance.
They'll probably think I'm an idiot... after my whole pleading not to put my information online. yikes I think this is the first time I've actually ever typed out my name, address, etc and have it in correlation to looking for adoption information.
I feel confident that it's confidential...I've sent it in, so we shall see. I didn't realize there was so much I didn't know. ha
Probably only a jillion people adopted in Los Angeles. That should narrow it down.
I think I may fall under the 'lost cause' category so far. hehe
They'll probably think I'm an idiot... after my whole pleading not to put my information online. yikes I think this is the first time I've actually ever typed out my name, address, etc and have it in correlation to looking for adoption information.
I feel confident that it's confidential...I've sent it in, so we shall see. I didn't realize there was so much I didn't know. ha
Probably only a jillion people adopted in Los Angeles. That should narrow it down.
I think I may fall under the 'lost cause' category so far. hehe
Adoption Information Fishing Expedition......
Okay, cool....I've signed up to request to join the California Adoptees group on Yahoo. At least I can see what different things other people are doing and what their experiences are with the whole thing.
I've got to quit checking my mail to see if they've accepted me. Oops...said that and then promptly refreshed the stupid check mail button. hmmmm...they haven't accepted me yet. lol Maybe it is too early or too hot. :)
Should be interesting though......
I've got to quit checking my mail to see if they've accepted me. Oops...said that and then promptly refreshed the stupid check mail button. hmmmm...they haven't accepted me yet. lol Maybe it is too early or too hot. :)
Should be interesting though......
Monday, September 3, 2007
California Adoption FAQ Thoughts...
Hmmmm....the information on the questions and answers comes from the California Department of Social Services. Their services don't seem all that social.
"By signing this form, I voluntarily give my consent to the CDSS or licensed adoption agency to disclose my name and address to my birth parent(s) so he/she may contact me"....
So...wondering again out loud....can you not request the non-identifying information unless you sign the consent to disclose form?
bah.
If that is the case...then sheesh. I can't find out THE MOST BASIC information without rolling out the welcome mat to whomever might decide to trek across the US and show up on my doorstep. As if my house is not enough of a circus.
Not that I think anyone would do that...show up on the doorstep that is...but I'm not asking for an address...I'm asking about ME!
you know...like what nationality...
"By signing this form, I voluntarily give my consent to the CDSS or licensed adoption agency to disclose my name and address to my birth parent(s) so he/she may contact me"....
So...wondering again out loud....can you not request the non-identifying information unless you sign the consent to disclose form?
bah.
If that is the case...then sheesh. I can't find out THE MOST BASIC information without rolling out the welcome mat to whomever might decide to trek across the US and show up on my doorstep. As if my house is not enough of a circus.
Not that I think anyone would do that...show up on the doorstep that is...but I'm not asking for an address...I'm asking about ME!
you know...like what nationality...
Adoption in California - Questions...and apparent answers
I WAS ADOPTED. HOW CAN I GET INFORMATION ABOUT MY ADOPTION AND ABOUT MY BIRTH PARENTS?
The California Department of Social Services (CDSS), or the licensed public or private adoption agency that handled the adoption can provide non identifying background information on birth parents to adoptees. The information provided includes general facts about the birth parents and their medical history. This service is available only for adoptions that were finalized in California. Some licensed private adoption agencies may charge a fee for this service. You must request this information by writing directly to the licensed adoption agency, if known, or to the CDSS at the following address:California Department of Social ServicesAdoptions Support Unit744 P Street, MS 3-31Sacramento, CA 95814
If you do not know the name of the licensed adoption agency, you can request the name from the CDSS. Your letter must include your name, birth date, and the full names of both of your adoptive parents. Also, your signature must be notarized by a Notary Public. This service is not available through e-mail.
I AM AN ADULT ADOPTEE. HOW CAN I MAKE CONTACT WITH MY BIRTH PARENTS?
California has a Mutual Consent Program that is administered by either the CDSS or the licensed public or private adoption agency that handled the adoption. In addition to the Mutual Consent Program, the Adoptions Information Act applies to adoptions in which birth parents signed the relinquishment for adoption or consent to adoption, or in which the birth parents' rights were involuntarily terminated by court action on or after January 1, 1984.
Mutual Consent Program: An adoptee may complete a Consent for Contact form (AD 904) and submit it to the CDSS or the licensed adoption agency that handled the adoption, if known. If the CDSS or the licensed adoption agency receives a consent form from the adult adoptee (18 years of age or older) and one from his/her birth parent(s), names and addresses can be disclosed to both parties so they may contact one another. The law prohibits the CDSS and the licensed adoption agencies from soliciting consents and providing search services for adoptees or birth parents.
Adoptions Information Act: An adoptee may complete an Adoptions Information Act Statement (AD 908A) requesting disclosure of the name and address of his or her birth parent(s). The CDSS or the licensed adoption agency which handled the adoption can disclose the name and address of the birth parent(s), if the birth parent signed a relinquishment or consent for adoption, or the parent's rights were involuntarily terminated by court action on or after January 1, 1984, and the birth parent signed an Adoptions Information Act Statement (AD 908) granting permission for such disclosure. The adoptee must be 21 years of age or older in order to complete the AD 908A.
I AM THE SIBLING OF AN ADOPTEE OR I AM AN ADOPTEE. HOW CAN I MAKE CONTACT WITH MY SIBLING? Through the Mutual Consent Program, adoptees and siblings may submit a Waiver of Rights to Confidentiality for Siblings form. Please see below for the appropriate form you should complete.
For Adoptees or Siblings 18 Years of Age or Older: If the CDSS or the licensed adoption agency receives a Waiver of Rights to Confidentiality for Siblings form (AD 904A) from the adult adoptee (18 years of age or older), and one from his/her sibling, names and addresses can be disclosed to both parties so they may contact one another. The law prohibits the CDSS and licensed adoption agencies from soliciting waivers.
For Adoptees or Siblings Under 18 Years of Age: If the CDSS or the licensed adoption agency receives a Waiver of Rights to Confidentiality for Siblings - Under 18 Years of Age form (AD904B) from the adoptee and one from his/her sibling, names, addresses, and phone numbers can be disclosed to both parties so they may contact one another. The law prohibits the CDSS and licensed adoption agencies from soliciting waivers.
I AM A SIBLING OF AN ADOPTEE OR AN ADOPTEE. CAN I PETITION THE COURT FOR THE APPOINTMENT OF A CONFIDENTIAL INTERMEDIARY? If you have knowledge of a sibling and wish to seek contact with him or her, you must first submit a waiver to the CDSS or the California licensed agency who handled the adoption. If your sibling has not submitted a form to the CDSS or the California licensed adoption agency, you may petition the county superior court where the adoption was granted under Family Code 9205 to request that a confidential intermediary be appointed to locate the sibling. The confidential intermediary will attempt to contact the sibling and ask if he or she would be interested in completing a waiver form.An adoptee or sibling who seeks contact with the other for whom no waiver is on file with the CDSS or the licensed adoption agency, may petition the California Superior Court where the adoption was granted under Family Code 9205 to request that a confidential intermediary be appointed to locate the sibling. The confidential intermediary will attempt to contact the sibling and ask if he or she would be interested in completing a waiver form. Please contact the County Clerk's office of the Superior Court for information on petitioning the court for information.
I AM AN ADOPTEE. HOW CAN I OBTAIN A COPY OF MY ORIGINAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE AND/OR DOCUMENTS FROM MY ADOPTION FILE? You may be able to obtain a copy of your original birth certificate by filing a petition under Health and Safety Code Section 102705 in the county clerk's office of the Superior Court in the county where you reside or the county where your adoption was finalized. In your petition, you must show good and compelling cause for the granting of the order. It is at the sole discretion of the court as to whether the original birth certificate will be unsealed.You may also file a petition under Family Code Section 9200 in the Superior Court of the county where your adoption was granted, for access to documents contained in the adoption file that is maintained by the Superior Court. Again, it is at the sole discretion of the court as to whether any documents are released to you.Please contact the County Clerk's office of the Superior Court for information on petitioning the court for information.
I AM A BIRTH PARENT. I WOULD LIKE INFORMATION ON THE CHILD THAT I PLACED FOR ADOPTION AND ABOUT THE FAMILY THAT ADOPTED THE CHILD. WHAT KIND OF INFORMATION AM I ENTITLED TO? The CDSS or the licensed public or private adoption agency that handled the adoption can give birth parents' information on the status of the adoption and general non identifying background information regarding the adoptive parents, including information on the progress of the child at the time of the adoption. This service is available only for adoptions that were finalized in California. Some licensed private adoption agencies may charge a fee for this service. You must request this information by writing directly to the licensed adoption agency, if known, or to the CDSS at the following address:California Department of Social ServicesAdoptions Support Unit744 P Street, M/S 3-31Sacramento, CA 95814
If you do not know the name of the licensed adoption agency, you can request the name from the CDSS. Your letter must include the name you used at the time of the adoption, the child's name (if named) and date of birth. Also, your signature must be notarized by a Notary Public. This service is not available through e-mail.
I AM A BIRTH PARENT. HOW CAN I MAKE CONTACT WITH MY CHILD? California has a Mutual Consent Program that is administered by either the CDSS or the licensed public or private adoption agency that handled the adoption. A birth parent may complete a Consent for Contact form (AD 904) and submit it to the CDSS or licensed adoption agency. If the CDSS or the licensed adoption agency receives a consent form from the adult adoptee (18 years of age or older) and one from his/her birth parent(s), names and addresses can be disclosed to both parties so they may contact one another. The law prohibits the CDSS and the licensed adoption agencies from soliciting consents and providing search services for adoptees or birth parents.
HOW TO OBTAIN FORMS AND ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: Forms may be obtained by contacting the CDSS at (916) 651-8088, by writing to the address below, by contacting the licensed public or private adoption agency that handled the adoption, or by clicking here Consent For Contact, Waiver of Rights to Confidentiality For Siblings, Waiver of Rights to Confidentiality For Siblings - Under The Age Of 18, and Adoptions Information Act Statement.
California Department of Social Services Adoptions Support Unit 744 P Street, MS 3-31 Sacramento, CA 95814
Non-identifying Information about an Adoption
Okay...thanks for the heads up from Ungrateful Little Bastard (cute name) about the California Adoptees group on Yahoo.
So much to ponder. I am such a chicken.
What is the non-identifying information that can be retrieved? Is certain information about an adoption findable easily? I mean...other than the date?
I do not live in California (not even close to California), so would that hamper any 'petitioning' of the county to be done about an adoption that took place in California?
I figured the success chances of finding a match on registries wouldn't be too high...the ones I've looked seem to quite random....more like hitting the lottery kind of odds.
One more dumb question....my parents are alive and well. I know I am an adult, but would any requests for information go through them as well? Just wondering...
p.s. cute 'Facts of Life' clips... now I'm off to see what all else you've posted :)
So much to ponder. I am such a chicken.
What is the non-identifying information that can be retrieved? Is certain information about an adoption findable easily? I mean...other than the date?
I do not live in California (not even close to California), so would that hamper any 'petitioning' of the county to be done about an adoption that took place in California?
I figured the success chances of finding a match on registries wouldn't be too high...the ones I've looked seem to quite random....more like hitting the lottery kind of odds.
One more dumb question....my parents are alive and well. I know I am an adult, but would any requests for information go through them as well? Just wondering...
p.s. cute 'Facts of Life' clips... now I'm off to see what all else you've posted :)
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Searching Adoption Records...how to search adoption records
How exactly does one set about to search adoption records? It's not like there is a webpage that says adoptionrecords.com. Or is it just that you can search adoption records if you live in an open adoption state?
I mean...I can't just hop off down to the courthouse and commence searching, can I?
Not that I would, but am just wondering.
I was born in Los Angeles, California...and adopted in Los Angeles...so it's not like there are just one or two people adopted from that wee little city. ha
I've looked on a couple of different sites and there are multiple, multiples of people registered for that exact date. Obviously you can weed out the boys and the ones with more specific information.
But goodness....the 'search' would seem to be so open-ended, especially in a city the size of Los Angeles that finding adoption records would be of the needle in a haystack variety.
And, like I said, I'm not on some quest to find out where they live or whatever...just more of a curiousity about the whole process people go through in order to find their biological parents.
Really shouldn't be so hard to find out what ought to be a given.
In my opinion.
I mean...I can't just hop off down to the courthouse and commence searching, can I?
Not that I would, but am just wondering.
I was born in Los Angeles, California...and adopted in Los Angeles...so it's not like there are just one or two people adopted from that wee little city. ha
I've looked on a couple of different sites and there are multiple, multiples of people registered for that exact date. Obviously you can weed out the boys and the ones with more specific information.
But goodness....the 'search' would seem to be so open-ended, especially in a city the size of Los Angeles that finding adoption records would be of the needle in a haystack variety.
And, like I said, I'm not on some quest to find out where they live or whatever...just more of a curiousity about the whole process people go through in order to find their biological parents.
Really shouldn't be so hard to find out what ought to be a given.
In my opinion.
What's my opinion on adoption?
My opinion on adoption?
A wonderful thing! Absolutely, without a doubt in my mind.
And it's not just a matter of prefering adoption over abortion...I prefer adoption over raising a child you are unprepared for mentally.
Not having enough money can be a struggle, but can be worked through. Raising a child because you "have to"...ugh.
Adoption is such a great alternative. It's not that the woman doesn't want the child...they are making an ADULT decision to do what's best for the child.
can't say that for a lot of folks...
A wonderful thing! Absolutely, without a doubt in my mind.
And it's not just a matter of prefering adoption over abortion...I prefer adoption over raising a child you are unprepared for mentally.
Not having enough money can be a struggle, but can be worked through. Raising a child because you "have to"...ugh.
Adoption is such a great alternative. It's not that the woman doesn't want the child...they are making an ADULT decision to do what's best for the child.
can't say that for a lot of folks...
Adoptions being a secret thing.....
Now when I said that "I wonder why adoptions are such a secret thing".... I did not mean why do people keep adoptions a secret. I was talking about why the information about an adoption....
I am quite sure there are people whose families, for whatever reason, did not tell their kids that they were not adopted. That did not happen to me. I've known for as long as I can remember knowing that I was adopted. Sure there may have been a time that I didn't understand exactly what that meant, but I don't remember it. I've always known that I was adopted.
Funny story...funny now, that is...ha....at my 8th birthday party, I wished for a little sister. I had a younger brother (also adopted) and like most young girls...thought a sister would be an improvement. ha. Another kid at the party was kind enough (sarcasm) to enlighten me to the fact that my mom couldn't have kids...so I needed to make a new wish. doofus girl. Well...pooh on her because when I was 13, lo and behold...my family grew with the addition of a new little sister that we adopted. Pretty cool, eh.
Anyway...rambling again...
The secret part I was talking about is the background information about the biological parents. Not their name, picture and social security number...but little trivial tidbits like their age, likes, dislikes, and what not. (sounds like a centerfold bio with out the pics...ha)
I think I know a few things...but for all I know I've imagined these things and turned them into facts. ha
I'd never quiz my folks on it...I know...my loss. But those are the things I'm curious about. I don't need a name, an address, a reason for giving up custody...those things aren't even all that interesting.
Do they like watching "Forensic Files" after dark, metal detecting in the woods...or ranch on their avocado????
you know...normal stuff
:)
I am quite sure there are people whose families, for whatever reason, did not tell their kids that they were not adopted. That did not happen to me. I've known for as long as I can remember knowing that I was adopted. Sure there may have been a time that I didn't understand exactly what that meant, but I don't remember it. I've always known that I was adopted.
Funny story...funny now, that is...ha....at my 8th birthday party, I wished for a little sister. I had a younger brother (also adopted) and like most young girls...thought a sister would be an improvement. ha. Another kid at the party was kind enough (sarcasm) to enlighten me to the fact that my mom couldn't have kids...so I needed to make a new wish. doofus girl. Well...pooh on her because when I was 13, lo and behold...my family grew with the addition of a new little sister that we adopted. Pretty cool, eh.
Anyway...rambling again...
The secret part I was talking about is the background information about the biological parents. Not their name, picture and social security number...but little trivial tidbits like their age, likes, dislikes, and what not. (sounds like a centerfold bio with out the pics...ha)
I think I know a few things...but for all I know I've imagined these things and turned them into facts. ha
I'd never quiz my folks on it...I know...my loss. But those are the things I'm curious about. I don't need a name, an address, a reason for giving up custody...those things aren't even all that interesting.
Do they like watching "Forensic Files" after dark, metal detecting in the woods...or ranch on their avocado????
you know...normal stuff
:)
Talking out loud about adoption searches....
Sometimes...okay...all the time...I ramble.
I suppose that's why I thought it would be interesting to start this blog about adoptions, searching for biological parents, and what not.
I am curious about it...granted. Not because I have a bunch of unanswered questions...but, I don't know...just curious.
I talk to no one about it. No one...not my husband, not my friends, not my dogs...lol. I'm not sure why...I think perhaps if I talked about it, then that would be taken as a slight against my parents.
I know...kind of silly. I'm 39 years old...definitely past the point of being able to speak for myself. But, I guess maybe I think people would automatically presume I am dissatisfied with my family and on the hunt for a new one.
Since I don't talk about it...my knowledge is obviously LIMITED. lol
I have read a variety of different postings on the internet....but so many seem to follow a theme of people who 'find' their 'families' and start this whole new life with them as a part of it....or those who hope to do so.
I wonder why adoptions are such a secret thing. Kind of wierd that one would be forced to search for something that ought to be obvious. You know...like an obvious fact, not something that would require private detectives and black op quests.
I've seen the different boards, but good grief...what happens once you sign up on that? Suddenly you've opened Pandora's box.
ouch.
I suppose that's why I thought it would be interesting to start this blog about adoptions, searching for biological parents, and what not.
I am curious about it...granted. Not because I have a bunch of unanswered questions...but, I don't know...just curious.
I talk to no one about it. No one...not my husband, not my friends, not my dogs...lol. I'm not sure why...I think perhaps if I talked about it, then that would be taken as a slight against my parents.
I know...kind of silly. I'm 39 years old...definitely past the point of being able to speak for myself. But, I guess maybe I think people would automatically presume I am dissatisfied with my family and on the hunt for a new one.
Since I don't talk about it...my knowledge is obviously LIMITED. lol
I have read a variety of different postings on the internet....but so many seem to follow a theme of people who 'find' their 'families' and start this whole new life with them as a part of it....or those who hope to do so.
I wonder why adoptions are such a secret thing. Kind of wierd that one would be forced to search for something that ought to be obvious. You know...like an obvious fact, not something that would require private detectives and black op quests.
I've seen the different boards, but good grief...what happens once you sign up on that? Suddenly you've opened Pandora's box.
ouch.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Why do people look for their birth parents?
I do wonder this often? Why would someone set out on a search for their birth mother or birth parents?
Of course, I get the need for people needing an organ or tissue donor...or some kind of medical emergency.
But for someone like me...not in need of medical information...why would I? How would it benefit me?
Am I really missing something?
Am I somehow inherently inadequate due to being adopted and just don't realize it yet? Or am in denial of my inadequateness?
I don't feel a void. Why would I? I have parents...I have siblings....I have a family.
I don't have a billboard in my yard alerting neighbors to my adopted status. There's no stigma.
I know where my parents live. I know who they are.
What would I gain?
Of course, I get the need for people needing an organ or tissue donor...or some kind of medical emergency.
But for someone like me...not in need of medical information...why would I? How would it benefit me?
Am I really missing something?
Am I somehow inherently inadequate due to being adopted and just don't realize it yet? Or am in denial of my inadequateness?
I don't feel a void. Why would I? I have parents...I have siblings....I have a family.
I don't have a billboard in my yard alerting neighbors to my adopted status. There's no stigma.
I know where my parents live. I know who they are.
What would I gain?
Monday, August 6, 2007
Another quick thought on the Kiefer adoption case....
Just so I am clear...I am not siding with either party. It's a sad case for everyone involved and one that I think could have been avoided.
Just really sad for all the families.
Just really sad for all the families.
Another adoption in the shadows....
Speaking of adoptions being carried out in the grey areas...what is the deal with the case over in Mississippi.
The two sisters are Jamie Kiefer and Rikki Swann. Kiefer is the biological mother of the infant. Her lawyer said she was "preyed upon by her ex-husband, Daniel Kiefer, who took advantage of her extreme depression to have her give up the child, who was fathered by his brother, Jimmy."
The baby went to co-workers from the restaurant where she worked...however she soon requested to void her surrender of the baby. The adopting couple didn't want to give her up...so Ms. Kiefer started to go through the courts.
For whatever her reasons, it now seems that she is accused of 'kidnapping' her own child by force from the adoptive family.
I don't see where this is going to have a happy ending...and it's just so sad. Why, oh why, does the law make it possible to transfer ownership of a child like an item at a garage sale. Seller's remorse happens in garage sales...it should NEVER come into play in an adoption.
It ought to be a celebration....not a conspiracy.
Two sisters have pleaded not guilty to charges stemming from the alleged abduction of a 5-month-old infant more than a week ago.
The two sisters are Jamie Kiefer and Rikki Swann. Kiefer is the biological mother of the infant. Her lawyer said she was "preyed upon by her ex-husband, Daniel Kiefer, who took advantage of her extreme depression to have her give up the child, who was fathered by his brother, Jimmy."
The baby went to co-workers from the restaurant where she worked...however she soon requested to void her surrender of the baby. The adopting couple didn't want to give her up...so Ms. Kiefer started to go through the courts.
For whatever her reasons, it now seems that she is accused of 'kidnapping' her own child by force from the adoptive family.
I don't see where this is going to have a happy ending...and it's just so sad. Why, oh why, does the law make it possible to transfer ownership of a child like an item at a garage sale. Seller's remorse happens in garage sales...it should NEVER come into play in an adoption.
It ought to be a celebration....not a conspiracy.
Farmington Utah Adoption Case
I have been off and on following the case of Nikolas Thurnwald out in Utah.
His child was put up for adoption against his wishes and without his consent. Three years have gone by and NOW the lawyer is saying it would be mean to take the child away. Well...duh...it's been three years. It is mean.
But who is the mean one? Seems like the father tried to step up to the plate but was not allowed to stop the adoption.
I can't imagine the trauma of seperating this child from the only family they know after 3 years....terrible. But why was this ever allowed to happen in the first place.
I guess that's my hangup...why is adoption a shady back door, sneaky thing? It should be a celebration...not something done in the shadows.
Oh what a tangled web....
His child was put up for adoption against his wishes and without his consent. Three years have gone by and NOW the lawyer is saying it would be mean to take the child away. Well...duh...it's been three years. It is mean.
But who is the mean one? Seems like the father tried to step up to the plate but was not allowed to stop the adoption.
I can't imagine the trauma of seperating this child from the only family they know after 3 years....terrible. But why was this ever allowed to happen in the first place.
I guess that's my hangup...why is adoption a shady back door, sneaky thing? It should be a celebration...not something done in the shadows.
Oh what a tangled web....
My thoughts on the Open vs Closed Adoption idea....
I've read over the description discussing open adoption vs. closed adoption....
It should be noted that I:
a)was born in in California.
b)became a ward of the state sometime after birth
c)was adopted in a closed adoption in California at 14 months.
Therefore...I only have the personal experience of an adoptee in a closed adoption...
That being said...I can see other reasons for a closed adoption rather than the mentioned preference to "preserve the myth" that the family was biological.
What if the birth parent is an abuser or harmed other children in his/her custody? The adoptive family should not live in fear of harm or kidnapping by forcing the exchange of information across the board. There is undoubtedly a time and place where closed adoptions are in the child's best interests.
I do not feel that my parents were ever trying to "preserve the myth." They were always open and honest about my adoption and it certainly was never a mark of shame.
To paint adoptive families with the wide brush and taint of having conspired to "preserve the myth" seems like bologna. The description makes it seem as if adoptive parents are guilty of something.
Bah...I don't buy that.
That being said...as a mother...could I just hand my child over sight unseen to whomever was at the top of the waiting list. It's a baby...a human being...not a burger out the windows at McD's.
And if you believe the state has the best interest of the child in mind....well... go pick up a newspaper.
It should be noted that I:
a)was born in in California.
b)became a ward of the state sometime after birth
c)was adopted in a closed adoption in California at 14 months.
Therefore...I only have the personal experience of an adoptee in a closed adoption...
That being said...I can see other reasons for a closed adoption rather than the mentioned preference to "preserve the myth" that the family was biological.
What if the birth parent is an abuser or harmed other children in his/her custody? The adoptive family should not live in fear of harm or kidnapping by forcing the exchange of information across the board. There is undoubtedly a time and place where closed adoptions are in the child's best interests.
I do not feel that my parents were ever trying to "preserve the myth." They were always open and honest about my adoption and it certainly was never a mark of shame.
To paint adoptive families with the wide brush and taint of having conspired to "preserve the myth" seems like bologna. The description makes it seem as if adoptive parents are guilty of something.
Bah...I don't buy that.
That being said...as a mother...could I just hand my child over sight unseen to whomever was at the top of the waiting list. It's a baby...a human being...not a burger out the windows at McD's.
And if you believe the state has the best interest of the child in mind....well... go pick up a newspaper.
Open Adoptions vs. Closed Adoptions....
A Wikipedia overview of the differences between open adoptions and closed adoptions:
Open adoption is a term generally used to describe a variety of arrangements allowing for ongoing contact between members of the 'adoption triad' (adoptive family, birth family, and adopted child). The level of openness in any relationship varies widely. Degrees of open arrangements span from mediated contact, which implies letters and photographs sent through a third party (so that the adoptive family can maintain privacy), to full the full disclosure of the adoptive family's personal information. In fully open adoptions, there is actual physical contact, through meetings and visits between the birth family and the adptive family. Sometimes an adoption agency may describe an adoption as 'open' when the birth-mother (and/or birth-father) may have a say or may make the actual decision on who is chosen to parent their child, though this is not the generally accepted definition.
An adoption where the adoptive and birth parents do not become aware of each others' identities and where only medical and historical information is given to the adoptive parents is known as a closed adoption.
Although open adoptions are thought to be a relatively new phenomenon, in fact most adoptions in the United States were open until the twentieth century. Until the 1930's, most adoptive parents and birth parents had contact at least during the adoption process.[1] In many cases, adoption was seen as a social support: young children were adopted out not only to help their parents (by reducing the number of children they had to support) but also to help another family by providing an apprentice.
Adoptions became closed when social pressures mandated that families preserve the myth that they were formed biologically. One researcher has referred to these families, that made every attempt to match the child physically to their adoptive families 'as if' families.
Openness became the norm when infants available for adoption became scarce, and birth parents had the ability to negotiate acceptable terms for their children, including the ability to participate in decisions about who they wanted to parent their child.
Proponents of open adoption maintain that such adoptions are better for the child and represent best practice. Increasingly, as children growing up in open adoptive homes are studied, adoption researchers are finding that this might be a preferable adoption arrangement. Civil rights advocates argue that openness is the right of all children, who are entitled to information about their history and heritage.
One important fact related to openness is that open adoptions are not legally enforceable agreements in many jurisdictions. The adoptive parents may terminate all contact with the birth parent(s) at any time and for any reason.
Open adoption is a term generally used to describe a variety of arrangements allowing for ongoing contact between members of the 'adoption triad' (adoptive family, birth family, and adopted child). The level of openness in any relationship varies widely. Degrees of open arrangements span from mediated contact, which implies letters and photographs sent through a third party (so that the adoptive family can maintain privacy), to full the full disclosure of the adoptive family's personal information. In fully open adoptions, there is actual physical contact, through meetings and visits between the birth family and the adptive family. Sometimes an adoption agency may describe an adoption as 'open' when the birth-mother (and/or birth-father) may have a say or may make the actual decision on who is chosen to parent their child, though this is not the generally accepted definition.
An adoption where the adoptive and birth parents do not become aware of each others' identities and where only medical and historical information is given to the adoptive parents is known as a closed adoption.
Although open adoptions are thought to be a relatively new phenomenon, in fact most adoptions in the United States were open until the twentieth century. Until the 1930's, most adoptive parents and birth parents had contact at least during the adoption process.[1] In many cases, adoption was seen as a social support: young children were adopted out not only to help their parents (by reducing the number of children they had to support) but also to help another family by providing an apprentice.
Adoptions became closed when social pressures mandated that families preserve the myth that they were formed biologically. One researcher has referred to these families, that made every attempt to match the child physically to their adoptive families 'as if' families.
Openness became the norm when infants available for adoption became scarce, and birth parents had the ability to negotiate acceptable terms for their children, including the ability to participate in decisions about who they wanted to parent their child.
Proponents of open adoption maintain that such adoptions are better for the child and represent best practice. Increasingly, as children growing up in open adoptive homes are studied, adoption researchers are finding that this might be a preferable adoption arrangement. Civil rights advocates argue that openness is the right of all children, who are entitled to information about their history and heritage.
One important fact related to openness is that open adoptions are not legally enforceable agreements in many jurisdictions. The adoptive parents may terminate all contact with the birth parent(s) at any time and for any reason.
Friday, August 3, 2007
Adoptee Registries....
I must say, that although I have looked at many, many different registries and search board for adoptees and birth parents....I have never signed up on one or submitted my information to any adoption search board.
Ewww...my luck is that there would be a match. lol
It's not that I'm not curious. I am.
But I haven't found a board that allows you to remain a fly on the wall.
You know....learn who it is...but never have to actually trade information to unveil my identity.
lol...nothing like having my cake and eating it too.
But....I like my life and love my family. I don't know that I can risk 'finding' a complete freak.
Perhaps someday I will be braver and sign up on a adoption search.
Ewww...my luck is that there would be a match. lol
It's not that I'm not curious. I am.
But I haven't found a board that allows you to remain a fly on the wall.
You know....learn who it is...but never have to actually trade information to unveil my identity.
lol...nothing like having my cake and eating it too.
But....I like my life and love my family. I don't know that I can risk 'finding' a complete freak.
Perhaps someday I will be braver and sign up on a adoption search.
Searching for a Birth Parent....
Wow...now I've got to say that searching for a birth parent must be a mind-boggling quest to decide to undertake.
I mean...how does someone decide to do this. I mean...to really do it. Sign up in the adoption registry and search boards...the whole nine yards. To actually really connect with this person(s).
I know everyone who is adopted has their own story....and for many I can quickly understand why they'd want to know.
However...could I ever take that step.
Ouch...I dunno. Maybe I'm a coward...lol...that part of me that just "knows" that whoever it is would probably be a jerk so why bother.
You know....the part that says no way could I trust that a complete stranger would act like a decent human being if I ever 'found' them....
I mean...how does someone decide to do this. I mean...to really do it. Sign up in the adoption registry and search boards...the whole nine yards. To actually really connect with this person(s).
I know everyone who is adopted has their own story....and for many I can quickly understand why they'd want to know.
However...could I ever take that step.
Ouch...I dunno. Maybe I'm a coward...lol...that part of me that just "knows" that whoever it is would probably be a jerk so why bother.
You know....the part that says no way could I trust that a complete stranger would act like a decent human being if I ever 'found' them....
"Birth Parents" vs "Adopted Parents"
Birth parents....hmmmmm....the term just seems like a misnomer to me.
It's not that I am upset with the person who gave birth to me, nor do I think they are some lesser form of life. I am quite pleased that I was brought into this world.
lol... quite the ego I have. ha
However, I do not think I could relegate my parents to some artifical position of "adoptive parents" because of curiousity about the person that gave birth to me. As if they suddenly slip into a different category. They are my parents....no designation...just my parents. They raised me. They love me. Despite my goofiness...or because of it. lol
It's not that I am upset with the person who gave birth to me, nor do I think they are some lesser form of life. I am quite pleased that I was brought into this world.
lol... quite the ego I have. ha
However, I do not think I could relegate my parents to some artifical position of "adoptive parents" because of curiousity about the person that gave birth to me. As if they suddenly slip into a different category. They are my parents....no designation...just my parents. They raised me. They love me. Despite my goofiness...or because of it. lol
Some thoughts on my adoption story......
Since I am adopted, my attention is often caught by news stories about adoption. I know many have their own opinion on the topic...this is just mine.
The article I was reading in the OC Register stated:
Unmarried girls who found themselves with child some 40 or 50 years ago were always reassured that adoption was the best course.
Babies were given to loving parents unable to have their own children.
Everyone will be content, said social workers in the mid-20th century.
But life doesn't always work out the way the experts predict.
"The adoption experience makes development of a sense of self, the ability to understand 'Who am I?' very difficult," says Joey Nesler, a Newport Beach psychotherapist.
Nesler, who was a adopted as a baby, has built her career on working with birth parents who gave up children for adoption, adoptive parents and the adoptees themselves.
"It's difficult in later life," she says. "It's a challenge to know who you are."
I read that opening again...and questioned myself. Do I know who I am? As being adopted made that difficult???
It's not so much that I disagree with the line of thought, but perhaps my experience is not the norm. I am well aware of who I am and have never felt confused about that.
However, further in the article it reads:
Q: Do adult adoptees come to you to work out these specific problems?
A: People – usually in their late 40s and 50s – usually say their adoption was a great experience. They say they are coming for other reasons, such as depression, problems with their career.
Once they are in therapy, they discover what's causing their trouble is abandonment, no sense of where they came from or who they were.
Hmmmmmm.... that is interesting. I am 38, so a bit younger than the age group mentioned. Maybe that's why I haven't sensed a dread of abandonment. If it were me analyzing myself (ha).... I'd have to say that rather than fearing abandonment, I just avoid that feeling altogether by not allowing myself to get too close to people or to trust them.
That is eerie. lol
I wonder if it's because I fear being abandoned...or just because I think that only a rare few people are actually trustworthy. Most folks are just in it for what they can get out of it...users. I generally feel that they have an ulterior motive. They have generally proven this true.
So...is it because I was adopted that I feel this way...or are people just self-interested jerks (by and large) who would eat their grandma if it enriched them.
..........
The article I was reading in the OC Register stated:
Unmarried girls who found themselves with child some 40 or 50 years ago were always reassured that adoption was the best course.
Babies were given to loving parents unable to have their own children.
Everyone will be content, said social workers in the mid-20th century.
But life doesn't always work out the way the experts predict.
"The adoption experience makes development of a sense of self, the ability to understand 'Who am I?' very difficult," says Joey Nesler, a Newport Beach psychotherapist.
Nesler, who was a adopted as a baby, has built her career on working with birth parents who gave up children for adoption, adoptive parents and the adoptees themselves.
"It's difficult in later life," she says. "It's a challenge to know who you are."
I read that opening again...and questioned myself. Do I know who I am? As being adopted made that difficult???
It's not so much that I disagree with the line of thought, but perhaps my experience is not the norm. I am well aware of who I am and have never felt confused about that.
However, further in the article it reads:
Q: Do adult adoptees come to you to work out these specific problems?
A: People – usually in their late 40s and 50s – usually say their adoption was a great experience. They say they are coming for other reasons, such as depression, problems with their career.
Once they are in therapy, they discover what's causing their trouble is abandonment, no sense of where they came from or who they were.
Hmmmmmm.... that is interesting. I am 38, so a bit younger than the age group mentioned. Maybe that's why I haven't sensed a dread of abandonment. If it were me analyzing myself (ha).... I'd have to say that rather than fearing abandonment, I just avoid that feeling altogether by not allowing myself to get too close to people or to trust them.
That is eerie. lol
I wonder if it's because I fear being abandoned...or just because I think that only a rare few people are actually trustworthy. Most folks are just in it for what they can get out of it...users. I generally feel that they have an ulterior motive. They have generally proven this true.
So...is it because I was adopted that I feel this way...or are people just self-interested jerks (by and large) who would eat their grandma if it enriched them.
..........
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